Post Hyst

Well, I must say that physically, I'm feeling pretty good.  I only have 4 small incisions on my belly that were glued shut.  I haven't felt any worse than I did after childbirth. :)  I feel encouraged and loved.  My mother and father-in-law came up and have been here helping us.  It's been wonderful to have them here.  They took my son to and from school and took care of my baby so I could rest.  I packed a bag full of stuff to do at the hospital, but didn't do any of it.  haha  It was pretty funny how important it was that I peed and passed gas.  I felt like a toddler proudly announcing my accomplishments every few hours.  My doctor told me that only 50% of people are able to pee on their own after surgery.  I was determined to be part of that percentage and I was!  I know I have the even bigger surgery looming ahead of me, but I feel encouraged and optimistic.  I feel good knowing that I have already dropped my chances lower.  I really appreciate one person who reminded me on facebook that I'm doing this because of my family and that I want to be around for them.  That is exactly true!  I am a little hurt that neither one of my sister's have checked on me at all, but I really do appreciate all the people that have.  It's going to be very difficult to follow through with doctor's orders though.  I am not to drive for 2 weeks and not to lift anything over 10 lbs. for 8 WEEKS!!!  That includes my sweet, chunky baby!  This will be hard, but I think we'll figure it out.  I'm sure the time will go fast just like it always does.  I am thankful for everyone in my life who is praying for me and encouraging me.  You all are wonderful and I love you all! 

To Do List

Here is a list of things I want to do while I recover from my surgery:
1.  Crochet
2.  Watch all my Christmas movies
3.  Watch all of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies
4.  Watch all of the "Once Upon a Time" episodes again.
5.  Visit relatives for Christmas
6.   Listen to the Hunger Games on audio with my husband
7.  Finish reading Fern's book
8. Call some friends I haven't talked to for a long time.
9.  Finish grading my papers.....I guess
10.  Read with my kids

Jitters

Well, I guess I'm not as ready as I thought I was.  Today at work, my friends were hugging me and telling me they would be thinking of me and I was reassuring them that everything would be fine.  I'm having my hysterectomy on Tuesday and not returning to work until January.  The whole time my stomach was churning.  I guess I'm more nervous about this than I thought.

I came to realize something the other day that really motivated me to move ahead.  Since I was adopted, my family medical history has been pretty limited.  I had always been told growing up that the women in my family had died from ovarian cancer.  So, I always knew that at some point I would get a hysterectomy.  But, I still had doubts in the back of my mind about the mastectomies.  I was wondering if it was really going to make that much difference.  Well, I looked at my test results the other day and noticed that I have BRCA1 and not BRCA2.  BRCA1 has a higher risk for breast cancer, while BRCA2 has a higher risk for ovarian cancer.  It made sense to me.  I knew that my mother had passed away from a tumor in her neck, but I had always wondered how ovarian cancer got way up there.  She had had a hysterectomy for prevention as well.  I'm thinking it must have actually been breast cancer.  So, that just solidified the decision for the mastectomies.  That's for sure.  I called and made my appointment today.

Thank you all SO MUCH for the prayers and encouragement.  I won't be offended if you get sick of hearing me talk about all this and don't always read my blog.  That's fine.  I understand. :)

This is not the end!

I really need to stop looking at this as the end of my life as I know it.  I think that's why I'm dreading these surgeries so much.  I need to look at these as the beginning of many years of carefree living.  My life won't end, in fact I'm hopefully extending my life.  I always used to be afraid to grow old, now I realize what a blessing that will be.  I won't have to worry about this particular cancer getting me.  I know we never know what may happen to us, but at least I can get rid of what would have most likely gotten me.

My husband

I realized today, that I haven't really thought about how my husband feels about all this.  He's always supportive, but doesn't always tell me what he thinks about it.  I'm very blessed to have him.  His strong love for me is definitely comforting.  He always makes me feel beautiful and special to him.  I know this isn't going to be an easy thing for us to go through, but I know we can make it.  Some days I can't wait until this is all behind me and life is back to normal.  Other days I just want to pause time and never reach the day when it all happens.

You're Beautiful

I recently found out that I have the breast cancer gene.  I am now facing a hysterectomy and a double mastectomy.  I decided that I wanted to share my thoughts and feelings throughout this process.  Maybe I can encourage someone else, or maybe it will just be therapeutic for me.  I have to admit that my emotions are all over the place.  I am so grateful that I live at a time when I can find this out and do something about it.  I've spent my whole life being afraid to reach age 40 because no woman in our family has made it past that decade.  At this moment, I'm actually looking forward to my hysterectomy surgery, so that I can have an excuse to take a break.  I'm not, however, looking forward to what's going to happen to my hormones after the surgery.   I'm definitely NOT looking forward to the mastectomies.  I'm so afraid that I will really miss my boobs and that my husband won't like the fake ones.  I got to meet several ladies who have already been through this.  I appreciated their input SO MUCH.  I'm glad to have a new network of friends, but I have to admit that I woke up the next day thinking I had just had a really weird dream.  But, alas, it's not a dream.  I'm really trying to focus on the positives here.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. 

I listened to Ted Dekker last week and he said some things and played a song that are still affecting me.  The name of my blog is "Temporary Costume" because Dekker said several things:
1.  We think we are physical beings having spiritual experiences, but we are actually spiritual beings having a temporary physical experience.
2.  This body is my costume.  It's not who I really am.

So, I am only going through a temporary experience that doesn't really define who I am.  I am a child of God and He loves me more than anything and He thinks I'm beautiful no matter what.  I am focusing on these two things and reminding myself of this over and over and over.  Well, I have my pre-op appointment now.  I have my list of questions and have researched as much as I can.  So, here we go!