Comfortable

Today is the first day that I looked at myself in the mirror and truly felt comfortable with what I saw.  I'm finally getting used to the new "temporary" me.  I even felt physically comfortable today too.  Today was a very good day.  Thank you, Jesus!  I know there still may be days when I won't feel good, but I'm just celebrating that I feel good today!

Overwhelmed

I don't want to do this anymore!  I just want my old ones back.  I can't finish this.  The doctor said it would take 4 months and that seems like an eternity!  I'm so tired of being uncomfortable and low on energy.  I know it hasn't been that long and I'm doing much better than I was a few weeks ago, I just feel overwhelmed today.  People keep talking like they are envious of what I'll have at the end, but I don't think they should envy this process at all!  I would much rather have not had to do this at all.  I'm listening to worship music as I type this and I have to admit that nothing changes my frame of mind like praising God for His grace and forgiveness!!  I don't know how people make it through life's struggles without that anchor.  Ok, my rant is over and I will continue to keep my eyes on Jesus rather than on my current struggle.  I get so frustrated that I can't keep up with the housework, but I was trying to figure out what would be the most relaxing thing for me to do this afternoon.  I think I'll just spend some time at the feet of Jesus and let everything else go!

Free!!

I'm sitting here rejoicing that I no longer have an 85% chance of getting breast or ovarian cancer!!
My boobs look like angry jack-o-lanterns, but I know they won't look like this forever.
I'm so grateful for my doctors and for researchers who discovered this gene.  All my life, I've had this dark cloud in the back of my mind.  Growing up, it seemed inevitable that I would also meet the same end as the women in my family.  I thank God that it's not true anymore.  I'm also praising God for my husband.  I know this isn't easy for him either, but I draw strength from him and the fact that he loves me and still makes me feel beautiful.  I also have such a wonderful, strong support system.  So many wonderful people have been taking care of us in various ways.  I am truly blessed!
The pain I have experienced has been worse than anything I've ever felt before.  When I woke up from surgery, I know I was freaking out!  I feel sorry for the people taking care of me that day.  haha
My issues with claustrophobia really flared up with that really tight wrap around my chest.  I also have acid reflux and can't lie flat on my back for very long.  After being flat on my back for 5 hours, my chest was hurting really bad.  I also couldn't move any part of my body without experiencing excruciating pain.  I just sat there and cried, because it hurt so bad.  But, thankfully, I gradually made it up off the bed and then made it out to the hallway to walk around.  I've been having to sleep in a recliner or on the couch, but that's getting better too.  When I got my wrap and drains removed, I also experienced some terrible pain in my left shoulder.  Thankfully, that's much better too.
I'm looking forward to the future and the finished project.  It's going to be great!!
PS.  if there's any weird typos it's because I'm still pretty heavily medicated.  lol

Let's Do This!

Well, after fretting and dreading and wearily waiting, the day is finally here.  When I first found out that my surgery was delayed a week, I freaked out.  I had been so anxious and upset about the upcoming procedure, that I was not looking forward to another week of tension.  But, thankfully, instead of anxiety, Jesus has given me peace.  I had a great week with the family.  I finished up all the work I needed to do and spent some quality time with everyone.  I'm so grateful for the peace that God has given me and now I'm ready to do this.  I'm ready to get this over with and start recovering.  I have mourned and wrestled with it, and now I can honestly say that I am grateful that I can do this.  I appreciate the prayers and kind words from my friends and family.  I'll keep you posted on my recovery.

Much Improved Outlook

Well, I had my pre-op appointments today and I have to say that I felt much better than last time.  I'm sure that my positive outlook made a big difference.  I was able to relax and talk confidently about my surgeries.  I wasn't feeling super sensitive and my husband was able to go with me.  My surgery is going to be on March 31.  The hardest thing to hear today was that I won't be able to hold my baby for 6 weeks.  That's going to be so hard!  I just keep telling myself that I did before and I can do it again.  I'm so grateful that I have a very dear friend coming to help us out for a few days and would really appreciate prayers for healing and for my husband as he takes over everything for a while.

Optimistic

Hi Everyone!  I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and New Year's.  I hope 2014 will be great for you all.  I am feeling much better these days.  Thank you for bearing with me while I was not so positive.  I am feeling optimistic and ready to conquer the next one.  I am finally able to focus on the positives and embrace what a blessing it is to have this option.  Several friends told me about a T-shirt that really made my day. It said, "Heck, yes!  These are fake.  The real ones tried to kill me."  That's awesome.  It really helped me put things into perspective.  I've decided to stay with the doctor in town.  Many people have told me that he's a great doctor even though his personality is not so great.  It's also very important to me to be close to my family and friends.  I don't want to feel alone in the big city.  So, I feel at peace about it all.  I started back to work today too.  I felt really scattered brained because it had been so long.  Hopefully it all kicks into gear here soon and I get back into the groove.