Today I had an appointment with the mastectomy doctors. I left their office feeling stupid and foolish for my emotions. I couldn't figure out what I expected them to do. Finally, I realized that they weren't rude or anything, I just wished they could have shown that they care. I guess I can't really expect them to care when they have only met me once and maybe I'm just super sensitive about it all. They just came in and went straight to business and just spouted out what they would do and what to expect. I really did feel like just another patient. I kept asking myself if they realized how emotional this surgery is for women. When I was recovering from my hysterectomy in the hospital, I even asked my obgyn if he would come and be there for my other surgery. I told him that I want to feel like there's a doctor there who cares. I don't know if he'll actually come or not or if that's even allowed, but it made me realize how important that is to me. I felt so alone coming out of that doctor's office. Everyone that I would talk to was working. Guess I need to be working too so I don't have so much time to think about all this. I'm not forgiving of my emotions at all. I keep telling myself to pull it together and quit whining. Things could be worse and I should just be grateful that I can have this preventative surgery. I'm not used to dealing with my emotions. Even writing this blog right now, I hear a voice in my head telling me that other people don't want to hear anymore about this and that there are so many worse things going on for other people. I am feeling better now. I just needed a good cry and I will move ahead. I scheduled my mastectomy surgery for March 31. I guess that freaked me out too.
I'm looking forward to focusing on memorizing Scripture in 2014. I think this will be a tremendous blessing and encouragement. To be honest, I keep forgetting to talk to God about all this. At least I had a good conversation with Him today. I've only accomplished a few things on my To Do list, but it has been a restful time for me. I am starting to look forward to returning back to work and normal life for a few months. I love all of you and hope you have a beautiful Christmas.
God bless you Sarah. Drs should always be mindful to treat their patients the same as they would their own family. I appreciate a Dr with all the smarts, but I respect a Dr who has compassion. It's ok to tell them how you feel.
ReplyDeleteSarah, this is SO tough! I haven't been exactly where you are, but I feel like I would have felt exactly the same way. What you are going thru is HUGE and life altering. To expect some compassion is not too much to ask. I'm glad you shared this openly, so we can pray more specifically for you - for love, kindness and tenderness during this difficult time in your life. Thank God for your wonderful family who can love you thru this!
ReplyDeleteIf men had this surgery, they'd be a LOT more caring and empathetic IMO! I view emotions as something to look at and corral but not let them lead me into actions (still working on that). I'm glad you have this outlet to share yours with us during this time of turmoil and adjustment :) We love you & pray for you!
ReplyDeleteSarah, Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and emotions. We care about you so much! You matter to us, and so what you're experiencing matters to us too! I don't think you're whining or that you need to pull it together. Your emotions are valid and important!
ReplyDeleteYou deserve doctors with compassion (I agree that if they had had this surgery, they'd be more compassionate!), but if they can't be compassionate, that's what all of us are here for. I'm sending hugs your way and will be sending up prayers tonight.
We are so excited to have you back at work in January!
Hugs!
-Danielle
Thank you, Everyone! I'm feeling better. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Sarah i wish you all the best and may God grant you health and happiness I do understand how you feel, I guess doctors became used to even more worse cases that's why they often feel some how insensitive to their patients' reactions or feelings,just be close to God He is all hearing and He is indeed the Most Merciful.
ReplyDeleteGood to hear from you, Zaha. Thank you very much!
DeleteThis comes late, but yes, your friends still want to hear about this! Love you!
ReplyDeleteI hope you're still feeling better. Doctors are the worst. It's hard to find one who knows what they're doing and has a good bedside manner. Btw, it's ok and healthy to feel your emotions. I'm working really hard on that myself now. You honor who you are and your experience when you honor your feelings.
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