I recently found out that I have the breast cancer gene. I am now facing a hysterectomy and a double mastectomy. I decided that I wanted to share my thoughts and feelings throughout this process. Maybe I can encourage someone else, or maybe it will just be therapeutic for me. I have to admit that my emotions are all over the place. I am so grateful that I live at a time when I can find this out and do something about it. I've spent my whole life being afraid to reach age 40 because no woman in our family has made it past that decade. At this moment, I'm actually looking forward to my hysterectomy surgery, so that I can have an excuse to take a break. I'm not, however, looking forward to what's going to happen to my hormones after the surgery. I'm definitely NOT looking forward to the mastectomies. I'm so afraid that I will really miss my boobs and that my husband won't like the fake ones. I got to meet several ladies who have already been through this. I appreciated their input SO MUCH. I'm glad to have a new network of friends, but I have to admit that I woke up the next day thinking I had just had a really weird dream. But, alas, it's not a dream. I'm really trying to focus on the positives here. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
I listened to Ted Dekker last week and he said some things and played a song that are still affecting me. The name of my blog is "Temporary Costume" because Dekker said several things:
1. We think we are physical beings having spiritual experiences, but we are actually spiritual beings having a temporary physical experience.
2. This body is my costume. It's not who I really am.
So, I am only going through a temporary experience that doesn't really define who I am. I am a child of God and He loves me more than anything and He thinks I'm beautiful no matter what. I am focusing on these two things and reminding myself of this over and over and over. Well, I have my pre-op appointment now. I have my list of questions and have researched as much as I can. So, here we go!
You are beautiful no matter what, trust me, I know these things. xoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteThank you, Suzanne. You are definitely beautiful as well. Don't you forget it.
DeleteI am so thankful we were able to see Ted Dekker talk! Yes, you are beautiful! Even though your costume might change a little, you will still always be beautiful because, as a daughter of God, you reflect His glory. We'll have to remind each other of this truth.
ReplyDeleteYes, Kristi, for sure. Let's keep reminding each other of how precious we are! You are definitely a beautiful person inside and out. :)
DeleteThis seems fitting:
ReplyDeleteWe say we want God to order our steps. The God that orders my steps is the same God that shapes my scars. Sometimes God will order your steps right into a seemingly hopeless situation. Sometimes He will allow life to cut you open. God uses "that" to shape me for "this". The only way for the world to know that you've been in a fight and that your God was big enough to win it, is for you to have a scar somewhere on you that shows where the enemy took a shot, but he couldn't take you out! The enemy may inflict the pain, but God will shape the scar. He may mean it for evil, but God will use it for good! How could I have ever seen your strength Lord, if you had never shown me my weakness?? Thank you for the scars that I bear, because they declare that You are my Healer!! ~Steven Furtick
Thank you, Claudia. I appreciate it. I know you've gone through some really tough years. How is your husband now?
DeleteYou will be OK Sarah. I think we do have to allow ourselves to grieve over these losses even tho they're life saving. It will not change who you are, or what you will become. You will be a beacon for those who will walk in your footsteps in years to come. I'm praying for you and your family. Blessings~
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sharon. I am very hard on myself about emotions. Even writing this blog makes me feel like I'm making too big of a deal out of it. I don't seem to have much tolerance for my own emotions. ha
DeleteI've always loved your honesty, courage and optimism. I have no idea what all this will entail, but I will be praying for you to have God's Grace and Strength. Go deep in God and let Him lavish His LOVE on you in new and special ways! <3
ReplyDeleteThank you, Eli. :)
DeleteWow Sarah, so sorry to hear this news. I really admire your courage to resist cancer, and strive for the longest life possible on this earth, even when it comes to great sacrifice. I'm so glad God has given you hope in this decision, and that you and your family will have a new reliance on the Lord in this next season.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Christine.
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